Heavy Soul by Shey Stahl

Author:Shey Stahl [Stahl, Shey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General Fiction
Published: 2016-03-28T04:00:00+00:00

The clouds are dark and heavy, rolling in from the Pacific and invading the shore. Tears sting my eyes as the hurt becomes just as overpowering as the waves. I find the waves calming. The wind, the gray surrounding me is exactly what I need. Only it’s not. What I need is Chase. Why had I avoided him for so long? How could I have let that happen?

Dead. He’s dead. It’s permanent, forever, his spark in my life extinguished.

With the anxiety of returning to school in a few hours, I woke up just as the sun peeked over the east side of the city with Mel sound asleep in the bed next to me. I’d snuck out of bed and made my way to the beach.

When I was younger and missing my parents, this was where I came. There’s something about the endless beauty of the ocean. It feels like where the water meets the sky, anything can happen and exist.

He could be there, lost in that transition between the two, and it’s where I want to imagine him. Being gone completely is too final.

My gaze on the water feels lost and numb. The wind gusts give the ocean’s surface a shattered glass look, each tiny wave reflecting the small slivers of light peeking through.

I lie back in the sand and stare up at the sky, the ocean breeze like salty kisses on my cheeks, lost in my own torrid thoughts, the sounds of seagulls squawking around me. As I try in one shaking breath after another, my face burns from crying so much, the tears feeling like they will never end.

“Chase, I’ve screwed up everything.” I sob, watching the clouds. “I’m so sorry.”

No sooner do I speak the words that I feel a chill against my skin. My arms pebble with goose bumps and I’m able to breathe in deeper than before. A sense of tranquility and security overtakes me as I shiver, bringing my hands up from the sand and crossing them over my chest. Closing my eyes, I exhale, my chest rising up gently. I imagine his breath blowing over me and he whispers my name in the wind. It’s freezing this morning, but all I feel is warmth around me, like it’s summer in this tiny bubble around me.

Just as quickly as that sensation is there, it’s gone.

I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming. There’s absolutely no possible way I can sense his presence like this. But I do, very much.

Sitting up, I pull my knees to my chest, my cheek pressing to my knee. Warm air creeps over my body as the rain pelts the side of my face. Wet hair clings to my cheeks and I scrape it away with a brush of my hand to look around the beach half expecting to see him. I don’t, but I smell him, the summer sweet smells of grass and dirt, and him.

I’m immediately taken back to the day I fell in love with him, at thirteen, before I realized what that love meant and how it would affect me.

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